'Just' add one egg and water.

Well, it's my dad's birthday tomorrow, he is going to be older than he was previously. To celebrate this occasion, I decided to buy a cake for him. I will admit that despite a natural flare in the kitchen, when it comes to baking cakes, I have a few problems. I usually fall at the 'eating all the cake mix' hurdle. This time however, I used my wits and purchased a 'chocolate sponge mix' from Sainsbury's, which claimed all I had to do to create the perfect cake was add water and a single egg. I bought 2 packs, anticipating a cake-mix-eating disaster.

It all started well. I found a relatively clean bowl from the cupboard and poured the two packets of mix in. Next, I had to add 3 tablespoons of water to the mix. I have no idea what a tablespoon is, so I just popped the bowl under the tap for a bit. Then I had to go and get 2 eggs from the fridge. Unfortunately, my planning hadn't been as good as previously boasted, and I had forgotten to buy eggs. It was too late to turn back now - the water was in the mix, and father needed cake. I faced a difficult decision. Scrap the whole cake making process...or try it without egg. If dad doesn't get home-made cake on his birthday, he can do terrible things. With this in mind, I journeyed down the 'no egg' route.

The instructions informed me to add the egg(s), and a further 2 tablespoons of water. Recalling my past culinary experiences, I was pretty confident that a lot of water, with roughly the same volume as that of an egg or two would suffice. I added the water, and began to beat the whole mixture with a fork. Despite it's now runny consistency, my arm soon tired. I stopped whisking to gather my thoughts, then began beating at the mix once again. However, my gallant efforts soon ceased, and I lay down my fork, beginning the search for two 7" sandwich tins. The best I could find was a sort of rectangular baking tray. It was quite big, but having used double the mixture, I thought it was ok. I popped the mixture into my (pre-heated) oven, gas mark 6, and waited for 15 minutes.

After about ten minutes, I harked some distant shouting, from the general direction of the kitchen. Mother was saying something I couldn't quite make out, but it sounded like she was cheering my 'fucking stupid cakes' on.

Soon, the nail biting 15 minutes was up. I headed for the kitchen.

A pleasant aroma filled my nasal passages as I strolled boldly past my mother into the kitchen. I picked up a tea towel, opened the oven, and lifted out the tray. There was my cake. As I picked up the bubbling, crusted mass, a solitary tear trickled down my cheek. It seemed to be saying to me

"Friend".

I took a spoon from the draw, and plunged it straight into the shallow pool of cake. This was not the 'sponge' I had been tricked into believing it would be. Instead here lay a creeping mass of chocolatey goo. I closed my eyes and thrust the spoon once more, this time into my waiting mouth. It tasted good. I had another spoonful, and another, chocolate clogging every passage. I knew I had to stop. If my cake was this good already, what could even longer in the oven produce? I put the mixture back in, and headed to the waiting room, clutching my hands together. I waited and waited until I could wait no more, nine, ten minutes or so, and ran back to the kitchen.

As I pulled the cake out for a second time, it sank, as if it were breathing a heavy sigh of relief. I took my testing spoon, and entered the cake's womb, scooping out a spoonful of pudding. It was now mousse like in texture. On the outskirts of this great structure, the once thumping and festering edges now stood proud and firm. I rushed the cake back in to the oven, and retired once again.

Sitting waiting, my mind recalled the sinking cake as I pulled it from the oven. It seemed to be an entirely different life to the scamp it had been at just 15 minutes old. However, I did not allow myself to be distracted. A full fifteen minutes later, I headed to the kitchen, knowing it was perhaps for the final time.


Names have been changed to protect those involved. Any resemblance to persons real or fictional are purely coincidental.

Like a china shop in a bull.

Yesterday, [08/08/09] was a glorious day.

The Striplings have got a final line up, with Josh 'Roland' Nolan and Alex 'Alec Baldwin' Bowen [bass and drums respectively] joining James and Joe. With this exciting development, Josh and Joe arrived at my house about 17:30pm, for our first practice before we had to arrive at the gig at 19:30. We didn't really know what we were going to play until about 18:30, so had an hour going over a few covers before setting off. Well about, 45 minutes, cos Joe had to do his hair. The four of us [Alex came round to listen to one of the songs he was going to be drumming to..he'd never heard it before] piled in Joe's mini, with various bits of drums and two guitars in bulky cases.

We turned up at the Bull Inn about 19:45, set up, had a drink, said hello to people, Joe went to go and dump his car, all that stuff. Took to the stage at about half eight. We started with Rock & Roll Queen [The Subways], which went pretty well, and it was good fun cos Joe got to scream. Breezed through I'm Going Down, which we went more electric style for. More Bruce than Florence. Actually, I think most people think that is our song, and to be honest, I've stopped correcting them. Next we did Teenage Kicks, which was nice. I got to play with the G String a lot. Ha. Did our old favourite, Town Called Malice. Josh 'forgot' his bass solo, but we sort of just plucked away and it all worked out. Finished with Are You Gonna Be My Girl [Jet], which was probably the best. I liked it, nice to play on guitar. Stunning backing vocals from Roland.

The Insults followed with a great set, as you'll come to expect if you go to a few of their gigs.

Ended the night with pear cider and a few sambucca shots in the beer 'garden'. It was quite convincing, even had a few palm trees.

http://www.myspace.com/wearethestriplings


love love love x

The Striplings

Me and some mates have got together to form The Striplings. We've done a couple of covers, and we had a gig last Friday which went well. We're playing again this Saturday locally.

Have a look :D





www.myspace.com/wearethestriplings