Tuesday, 26 January 2010

Exploring Shakespeare.

'Exit, pursued by a bear.'

And so, Antigonus comes to his grisly demise, chased off stage by an angry bear who rips him to pieces then eats him. There is debate amongst those who study Shakespeare as to whether he would have used a theatrical device, such as a man dressed in a bear costume, or indeed a live bear from one of London's many bear baiting pits.

There is an argument which says Shakespeare's country roots had given him the rare and special gift of being able to control bears without resorting to chains, or even spending a great deal of time taming the animals.

John Fletcher, who collaborated with Shakespeare on works such as Henry VIII, published a brief study of The Winter's Tale, one of the only contemporary accounts on record. Contained in his report were a number of illustrations. These are the only real clues we have in revealing the mystery of the infamous bear.



One of the most well known of his sketches, is the 'Disco Bear' drawing.



This early impression of the scene when Antigonus is chased from stage, is often surprising to some. There certainly are shocking elements of the portrayal. The most striking detail is that Fletcher has included two bears in his drawing. This would suggest that Antigonus was the victim of more than one beast.

The connotations of this change the way we view other characters in the play. If there were two bears, this would challenge the Clown's account that 'the bear tore out his shoulder-bone'. He clearly only acknowledges a single bear. He repeatedly tells his father, the Sheperd, that there is only one bear.

The 'Third Gentleman' later in the play reveals that Antigonus

'..was torn to pieces with a bear: this
avouches the shepherd's son; who has not only his
innocence, which seems much, to justify him, but a
handkerchief and rings of his that Paulina knows.'

After the alleged bear attack, when describing the events to his father, the Clown says that the victim 'cried to me for help and said his name was Antigonus, a nobleman'. The Clown expects his audience to believe that he had time to find out this information while Antigonus was being attacked. It is mentioned in the Third Gentleman's speech that the Clown took items from Antigonus' body, robbing his corpse. Fletcher's sketches reveal that he is lying about the number of bears. This is an act of treason, as the Clown has obviously continued his lie in front of the King.

Fletcher argues that with all these arguments considered, it is possible that the Clown is responsible for the murder of Antignous. This throws Perdita's 'innocent' upbringing into disrepute - a girl raised by treasonous, murdering thieves could not be the angel described by Florizel, Leontes et al.

In this first sketch, the bear at the forefront of the picture appears to be wearing a party hat and holding an alchoholic drink and a number of small unidentified pills. There is a human underneath the bear that appears to have either been trampled, or seduced into willingly performing inter-species fellatio. The second bear is holding the first in a 'conga' style fashion, a popular dance move in Shakespeare's time and present day. The scene is completed by a solitary disco ball hanging above the three figures' heads.



However, Fletcher's drawings become even more astonishing.


In this sketch, there appears to be a family of bears. The figure, incredibly dressed as a native American, is intended to represent Antigonus. He is holding a bow and arrow, and fighting off one of the bears. This drawing suggests a number of things. It helps the case for an innocent Clown - the bear is illustrated as the main aggressor, with no sight of the Clown at this point. However, it would still mean the Clown lied in his account, claiming there to be only one bear.



Fletcher's last illustration of this scene is perhaps the most unbelievable.




From his accompanying notes, we know that in this drawing, Fletcher intended to represent the period momentarily before Antigonus' unfortunate entrance and subsequent death. Once again, there is more than one bear, a total of nine being visible in the diagram. There seems to be two bears standing patrol, one of whom who has recently parachuted into the woods. A further six bears wait in the back of the truck, and another can be seen sitting in the driver's seat.



All the bears appear to be armed, a number smoking cigarettes.


Fletcher's accounts command critical acclaim in studies of The Winter's Tale, Shakespeare and Elizabethan and Jacobean theatre. To truly understand Shakespeare's work, we must look to Fletcher to educate and enlighten. You can order your copy on Amazon, or get it from any popular bookstore.

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

A Levels

It's January, and for many Sixth Formers this means exams. I have one in Politics and one in History, a resit.

Last year, I took the British History and Nazi modules. The exam was weighted toward the British. I'd studied the Nazis at school, and knew it pretty well, but always had trouble with the British.

OR SO I THOUGHT.

When I got my results back, saying I had a D in one paper and a B in the other, a C overall, I assumed I had ballsed up the British. I decided to resit the module.

The exam is tomorrow.
I have just learnt that I got the D in Nazis and the B in British.
I am resitting the wrong exam.

This is kind of bad news. A chap might get a bit down if it wasn't for the help and encouragement of his friends.





Seeing as more than about two days revision is a luxury for someone like me, I decided to find out if I could resit the Nazi module next week, and emailed the exams officer. [Click to view]











Why did I think it was on Friday? [Click to view]












I'm meant to be the college President. What a dunce.




Tuesday, 5 January 2010

Unsuccessful? I'm going to eat your liver.

Dear Mr Ashford,

Your application is no longer being considered by University of E****r for Philosophy and Politics with Study Abroad (4 years), VL5F because either they have decided not to offer you a place or your application has been withdrawn. The reason is given below.

Your application has been unsuccessful

Due to competition for places

If you want to have feedback about this decision, you should contact the university or college concerned direct.


OH REALLY?


To: admissions@e****r.ac.uk
Cc: ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS A FIGHT.
Subject: This shit just got real.



Dear
Admissions Team,

Thank you for your recent letter informing me of your decision regarding my application submitted through UCAS on the 17th December, UCAS #10********2. Unfortunately, the decision you made was 'unsuccessful'. UCAS advised me that it was acceptable for me to approach you and ask why this decision was made.

SO COME ON, YOU BASTARDS, LET'S HAVE IT.

Perhaps I'm being a little unfair. You did give me some reason, didn't you, prune? Let's look at that again, shall we?

'competition for places'

That's about useful as wrapping a wet tea towel around a family goldfish that is already dead. WHICH BY THE WAY, YOU HEARTLESS BASTARDS, IS WHAT I HAD TO DO TODAY. YOUR SHITTY LETTER REALLY HELPED WITH MY POOR MOTHER'S SOBBING.

I mean, come on. My dad even went to your university. Have you never heard of the 'old boys network'? Did I have to fucking cross reference it on my personal statement? Did you want me to drop subtle hints about the team colours of the fucking cricket team? Jesus.

I don't know if you've ever applied to university. But what they do, is send you an email telling you that your UCAS status has been updated. After waiting about a month, after everyone around you is getting offers, you might get such an email, you'll probably feel elated. You might go and tell your mother who IS STILL SOBBING, before you even log in to bastard UCAS. Oh how my sister laughed. How the tears rolled down her cheeks when the colour left my face and my eyes glazed over. It's just lucky my dad wasn't in to cane me, or go about beating me round the head and neck with an old belt.

Maybe my grades just weren't good enough. They certainly matched your typical offer, if a little low on the range. A lot of people would say I only have myself to blame. I laugh at their ignorance. Have you ever played, or even heard of, a game called Call of Duty? Didn't think so, MATEY. If it's any consolation, I will be sending an even more strongly worded letter Activision's way.

Listen. I wasn't going to send this until I'd cooled down. But I just watched quite an emotional episode of Dr. Who and it set the blood boiling again. I hope we can be friends.


Yours,

James Ashford
President and Governor, Shrewsbury Sixth Form College 2009-2010
Member for Children Action Committee for Shropshire County Council 2009-2010
Entertainment and Music reviewer for the Daily Express
Close friend of Ron Weasley